Jokes

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Dear Pastor

Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something.
Robert Anderson, age 11

Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance?
Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven

Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold.
Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there.
Stephen. Age 8, Chicago

Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland.
Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance.
Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota

Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house.
Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena

Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God?
Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville

Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class.
Carla. Age 10, Salina

Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished.
Ralph, Age 11, Akron

Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers?
Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
   
Pope, Billy Graham and Oral Roberts in Heaven

The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a three-way plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean. Tragically, they all died and went to the pearly gates together.
"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen. St. Peter was fretting, "Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready. We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. I'll owe you one."
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed.
Two days later...
"Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope guy is forgiving everybody, the Graham fellow is saving everybody, and Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."

PRIESTS ON VACATION

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.
The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father" - "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?
The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.
After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)
Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"
"Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"

A priest and a rabbi were on a plane…
A priest and a rabbi were traveling on a plane. After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?"

The rabbi responded, "Yes, that is still one of our beliefs."

The priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?"

To which the rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb and tasted pork."

The priest nodded in understanding and went back to his reading. After a while the rabbi asked the priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your faith that you remain celibate?"

The priest replied, "Yes that is still very much a part of our faith."

The rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptation of the flesh?"

The priest replied, "Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith."

The rabbi nodded understandingly for an moment and then said, "A lot better than pork isn't it?"
                  Powdering of the nose
 A little boy and girl are playing in a sandbox. The little boy has to go to pee. 
He was told by his mother to always be polite and don't talk about private matters in public.
 At first he holds it in for a little while because he does not know what to say to the little girl
 to excuse himself. Then he remembers what his Mom had said at the restaurant to excuse herself 
from the table. So he turns to the little girl and says, "Will you excuse me? 
I have to go powder my nose". And saying that he leaps out of the sandbox and runs to the 
washroom. When he comes back the little girl looks up at him and asks, "Did you powder your nose?"
 "Yes," said the little boy stepping back into the sandbox. "Well then," says the little girl,
 "You'd better close your purse because your lipstick is hanging out." 

Note: Some jokes were received from www.beliefnet.com